Rooted Insights Blog

A Human-Centered Approach to AI in Mental Healthcare

Wed, 21 Oct 2026 19:09:00 GMT

An Ethical Download

Artificial intelligence is becoming part of everyday life, including the world of mental health care. From writing clinical notes and assisting with treatment plans to streamlining billing and administrative tasks, there are more opportunities than ever to incorporate AI into the work we do.

At Rooted Insights, we recognize that technology can offer efficiencies and that different providers and practices will make different decisions about how to use it. We also believe that when it comes to mental health care, those decisions deserve careful consideration. For our practice, that means we have chosen not to use AI to write clinical notes, generate treatment plans, complete billing documentation, or process sensitive client information through AI tools.

This is a decision rooted in our professional values and our understanding of the responsibility we have to the people who trust us with their care. We have concerns about privacy, the role of human judgment in clinical work, and the broader impact of the technology we choose to use. We believe these considerations deserve a place in conversations about the future of mental health care, even as the technology continues to evolve.

Privacy and confidentiality

One of our primary considerations is protecting client privacy. In counseling, people share some of the most personal experiences of their lives. We believe it is important to be thoughtful about where that information goes, how it is handled, who may have access to it, and what happens to it over time.

AI tools vary significantly in how they operate, what information they process, and how their data practices are structured. Some tools may offer privacy protections and contractual safeguards designed for health care settings, while others may not be appropriate for handling sensitive clinical information. Understanding those differences takes more than simply knowing that a tool is convenient or widely used.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services provides guidance on the responsibilities health care organizations have when using cloud-based services to create, receive, maintain, or transmit protected health information. Those responsibilities include evaluating risks and ensuring that appropriate agreements and safeguards are in place. HHS guidance on HIPAA and cloud computing.

We have also seen examples of how sensitive mental health information can become part of legal proceedings. Reporting by Proof News, for example, examined therapy-related information disclosed in connection with a legal case involving Talkspace. While that situation does not establish that all AI tools create the same risks, it is a reminder of why we believe the handling of sensitive mental health information deserves careful attention. Read the Proof News report.

We do not believe these concerns mean that every AI tool is inherently unsafe or that technology cannot be used responsibly in health care. Rather, we believe privacy and confidentiality should remain central considerations whenever a tool may involve sensitive client information. At Rooted Insights, we have chosen an approach that allows us to keep our clinical documentation process human-led and to avoid introducing AI into these aspects of our work.

The value of human reflection in clinical work

Another consideration is the role that documentation plays in the therapeutic process. Clinical notes are not simply administrative tasks to complete after a session. They are part of how we reflect on the work, organize our clinical thinking, identify patterns, and remain intentional about the care we provide.

We believe that writing our own notes creates an opportunity to pause and consider what felt important in a session, what we may need to explore further, and how the work connects to a client's broader goals. This process involves professional judgment, context, and an understanding of the therapeutic relationship that extends beyond a summary of what was said.

We recognize that AI tools may be useful to some providers, and we are not suggesting that clinicians who use them are less thoughtful or less capable. Our decision is about what we value in our own practice. We want to preserve the space for clinicians to reflect on their work directly and to take responsibility for the documentation and clinical decisions that follow.

We also believe that convenience is only one part of the conversation. When considering a new tool, we want to ask not only whether it saves time, but also what it changes about the process, what responsibilities come with its use, and whether it aligns with the kind of care we want to provide.

Considering the broader impact of technology

We are also interested in the environmental resources required to support increasingly complex technologies. AI systems rely on computing infrastructure, including data centers that consume electricity and require cooling and other resources. The amount of energy used varies depending on the technology, the task, and the infrastructure involved.

The International Energy Agency's report, Energy and AI , explores the relationship between AI growth and electricity demand. Its findings describe the increasing energy needs associated with data centers and the role AI is expected to play in that growth.

We recognize that the environmental impact of AI is complex and that the technology itself is not the only factor involved. We are not suggesting that every use of AI has the same environmental footprint or that this concern alone determines whether a tool should be used. Rather, we believe resource use is one consideration worth including when we evaluate whether a new technology is necessary or consistent with our values.

For us, this is part of a broader commitment to being intentional about the choices we make as a practice. We do not believe every new technology needs to be adopted simply because it is available, and we believe it is reasonable to consider both its potential benefits and its broader implications.

Choosing intentionally

We know AI will continue to change, and our understanding of its applications, limitations, and risks will continue to develop as well. We are open to ongoing conversations about technology and its role in mental health care. At the same time, we believe it is important to make decisions based on our professional responsibilities, the needs of the people we serve, and the values that guide our work.

At Rooted Insights, we have chosen not to use AI for clinical documentation, treatment planning, billing documentation, or the processing of sensitive client information. This is our practice decision, based on our current concerns and priorities. We respect that other providers may evaluate these questions differently, and we believe each practice should carefully consider the tools it uses and the responsibilities that come with them.

Ultimately, our goal is not to make a statement about what every mental health practice should do. It is to be transparent about how we approach care and why we have made the choices we have. We believe the human relationship remains central to counseling, and we want our use of technology to reflect that belief.

Sometimes, the most intentional choice isn't the newest, fastest, or most convenient one. For us, it's choosing to keep the human part of this work at the center of what we do .

A note on perspective: This article reflects the professional perspectives, values, and practice decisions of Rooted Insights. It is intended for general informational and educational purposes and discusses our current views regarding AI in mental health care. It is not intended to suggest that all AI tools are inherently unsafe, inappropriate, or noncompliant with applicable laws and regulations. Technology, privacy practices, and research continue to evolve. References to external reporting and research are provided to help readers explore these topics further and should b

Psychedelic Integration: So What Now?

Mon, 05 Oct 2026 14:44:46 GMT

The journey past the ceremony

Integration is currently quite the buzzword. From psychedelic integration, to integrative wellness, to integration of parts of self, this phrase seems to be everywhere right now. The question is, have we really looked at and do we have an understanding of what integration actually means when it comes to the world of counseling and psychotherapy? What does it mean to integrate a psychedelic experience? Is integration just for post-psychedelic experiences?

I have often been asked by clients, “What is integration anyways? What does it look like in therapy?” I would like to answer some of these questions and offer a few reflections from my own experience with this work.

When I first learned about integration, it was in my psychedelic-assisted therapy training. We were reminded again and again that this is one of the most important steps in the process when it comes to creating lasting, meaningful results from these psychedelic experiences. In the psychedelic communities and spiritual communities that practice working with these medicines, this is often emphasized as well. Unfortunately, the integration process offered by many of these communities, I have found, is often online, in groups, or something that is offered as an afterthought. And often, these spaces are not well attended by those, including me, who may have been part of these experiences. Which tells me something of value may be missing.

Integration, first and foremost, is challenging to define. Much like a psychedelic experience or other life-altering experiences, sometimes there are simply no words to fully reflect the process of growth and change we as humans go through in our lives. The simplest way it has been described to me is that one is given a bunch of ingredients—think onions, potatoes, celery, rice, spices—in a life-altering or psychedelic experience, and often given no recipe or instructions about what to do with these ingredients. Sometimes we leave a healing experience feeling so good, alive, and full of love that we forget that the change, or the creation of the soup, salad, or casserole, comes from within. We can't just throw all of the ingredients into a pot, or on the table for that matter, and call it “done.”

I believe the advice given to me went something like, “Carmen, you have been given a lot of ingredients. Choose one, and start learning how to cook with it.” This advice came to me at a time when I was searching for answers about my path and wanting to learn so much. I was gathering ingredients faster than I could possibly figure out what to do with them. I was looking for the next answer, the next teaching, the next experience, and in the process I had forgotten about the whole chop wood, carry water part of life.

In life, we truly do have peak experiences, and that is part of life. We have moments that change us, open something within us, give us a new perspective, or allow us to experience ourselves and the world in a completely different way. But much of life really comes down to how we move throughout our day-to-day experience. How we chop wood. How we carry water. How we talk to the people we love. How we respond when we are frustrated. How we care for our bodies. How we make decisions when no one is watching.

When I work with individuals on their journey of integration, a question I often find myself asking is, “How did that experience change how you move through your day-to-day experience?” I think this can be a key question to ask ourselves coming out of any life-altering experience. It moves us away from simply trying to understand what happened and toward exploring how we are actually living differently because of it. Through the psychedelic integration process, we begin to ask, “What did that experience mean anyways?” I have found this can sometimes leave myself and those I have worked with a little tripped up—pun intended. We often get so stuck on the meaning, the why of it all, the symbolism, the visions, the messages, or trying to understand exactly what happened, that we forget about the what now part. I don't think the meaning isn't important. I think meaning can be incredibly important. But sometimes we can spend so much time trying to understand an experience that we don't actually allow ourselves to experience what it is asking us to change. Maybe we don't have to completely understand something before we begin living differently because of it. Maybe integration is less about finding the perfect explanation and more about noticing what has shifted within us and then practicing how to live from that shift.

This is where I think integration becomes much bigger than psychedelic experiences. Integration is not just about what happens after a ceremony or a psychedelic experience. From my perspective, it is about any and all life-changing experiences. We all go through experiences that change us. Some we might label as good, some we might label as bad. Think weddings, moving, job changes, death, birth, divorce, becoming a parent, ending a relationship, beginning a relationship, illness, spiritual experiences, loss, or any of the other moments in life that fundamentally alter how we see ourselves or the world around us.

I have a teacher who taught me that trauma isn't just the “bad stuff.” Trauma is the life-altering stuff. From that lens, we can begin to explore how we integrate any life-changing experience into our day-to-day practice. How did that experience change me? How did it change how I see myself? How did it change what I value? What am I no longer willing to tolerate? What am I being invited to move toward? And perhaps most importantly, how do I want to move through the world now?

Sometimes integration is not nearly as profound as the experience itself. Sometimes it looks like having a different conversation with your partner. Sometimes it looks like finally setting a boundary. Sometimes it means resting when you would normally push yourself. Sometimes it means taking better care of your body, making a phone call you have been avoiding, allowing yourself to be seen, or noticing an old pattern and choosing something different. Sometimes integration is simply getting up the next morning and making breakfast.

This is why I encourage people to choose one ingredient. Not ten. Not every realization you had during an experience. Not every book you suddenly feel compelled to read or every life change you think you need to make. Just one. What is the one thing that feels most alive or important right now? And then, perhaps more importantly, what would it look like to practice that one thing in your ordinary life? You might spend some time journaling about it, but I would encourage you not to turn journaling into another way of trying to figure everything out. Instead, simply notice. What feels different? What am I seeing now that I didn't see before? What feels unfinished? What am I being invited to pay attention to? What is one small thing I want to do differently? Sometimes writing it down is enough. Sometimes talking with someone who can hold the experience without immediately telling you what it means can be helpful. Sometimes integration happens through therapy, through nature, through movement, through creativity, through relationships, or simply through giving yourself enough time and space to allow an experience to settle.

I also think integration happens in the body. We can spend so much time trying to understand an experience cognitively that we forget that our bodies are part of the process. Taking a walk without headphones, sitting quietly for a few minutes, noticing your breathing, spending time in nature, stretching, dancing, creating something, or simply paying attention to where you feel something in your body can all be forms of integration. Our bodies often know things before our minds have the language for them. And sometimes, we need another person to help us integrate. Not someone who is going to tell us what our experience means, but someone who can sit with us while we explore what it means to us. This distinction is important to me. I don't believe it is my job as a therapist to tell someone what their psychedelic experience means. My role is to help create a space where they can explore it, question it, understand themselves within it, and ultimately decide what they want to carry forward.

So if you have recently had a psychedelic experience, or if you have simply moved through something that has changed you, I might invite you to sit with a few questions: What has changed in me? What hasn't changed, even though I thought it would? What am I seeing differently now? What am I no longer willing to ignore? What am I being invited to let go of? What am I being invited to move toward? What is one pattern I can practice changing? What is one thing I can bring into my everyday life from this experience? How has this experience changed the way I relate to myself? How has it changed the way I relate to others? And how do I want it to change the way I move through the world?

And perhaps the simplest question of all is the one I find myself returning to again and again:

What now?

Not necessarily, What did it mean? Not, What was I supposed to learn? Not, What am I supposed to do with all of this? Just, What now?

Because ultimately, integration isn't about holding onto an experience forever. It is about allowing the experience to become part of who we are and how we live. The ceremony ends. The retreat ends. The breakthrough ends. The peak experience ends. And then we wake up the next morning and have to live our lives.

We chop wood. We carry water. We make breakfast. We have the hard conversation. We love someone. We set a boundary. We make a different choice. We notice ourselves falling into an old pattern and choose again.

The experience may have been extraordinary. The integration often isn't.

And maybe that is the point.

Integration is learning how to take the ingredients we have been given and slowly, imperfectly, learn how to cook with them.

If you are finding yourself in the aftermath of a psychedelic experience or another significant life transition and aren't sure what to do with what you have experienced, this is something we work with at Rooted Insights . Psychedelic integration support can provide a space to slow down, explore what has shifted, make sense of what feels meaningful, and most importantly, begin exploring how you want to bring those changes into your everyday life. You don't have to have the answers before you begin. Sometimes you just need a place to start working with the ingredients.

Unlocking the Potential of Counseling

Thu, 30 Nov 2023 22:22:06 GMT

Beyond Problem Resolution

Have you ever considered counseling but felt you weren't "stuck enough" or believed you didn't need help? The truth is, most of us experience moments of feeling stuck in life, and seeking counseling can be beneficial whether we're navigating life transitions or contemplating both significant and subtle changes.

It's a common misconception that counseling is only for those facing major problems. However, the reality is that counseling offers a wealth of opportunities for personal growth, even when life seems to be on track. Having an outside perspective from a professional who isn't emotionally invested in the outcomes can help individuals set new paths in life or navigate their current journey in a more enlightened way. Below are some ways we may not think of in which tending to your mental well-being can be beneficial.

1. Personal Growth

Embracing an external perspective can facilitate personal growth, enabling individuals to chart new courses in life or navigate their current path with newfound wisdom.

2. Getting Unstuck

Sometimes we may feel "happy enough," but a sense of fulfillment is missing. A skilled therapist acts as a detector of personal blind spots, offering insights and perspectives that may have been overlooked, helping you take that crucial step to get unstuck.

3. Goal Setting and Success

Collaborating with a counselor can empower you to develop meaningful goals aligned with how you want to treat yourself and others. This internal motivation often makes it easier to persevere when faced with challenges.

4. Communication Skill Building

Counseling isn't just for addressing problems; it's also a valuable resource for improving communication skills. Whether it's with loved ones or strangers, counseling can provide practical tools to enhance your ability to connect with others effectively.

5. Relationship Improvement

Nurturing relationships is a complex task, and both individual and couples counseling can equip you with diverse skills to enhance or revitalize your connections. Building these skills is an investment in the health and longevity of your relationships. Furthermore, for couples navigating the intricate dynamics of relationships, our practice specializes in couples counseling. Whether you're looking to strengthen a healthy relationship or address challenges head-on, couples counseling can provide tailored strategies and insights to foster a deeper connection.

Medication Management Resources:

In addition to these invaluable aspects of counseling, it's essential to recognize the role of medication management in mental health. For those exploring counseling options, understanding the potential benefits of medication, when appropriate, can be crucial. Our practice provides comprehensive information and resources on medication management, ensuring a holistic approach to mental well-being.

Remember, seeking counseling isn't a sign of weakness; it's a proactive step towards a more fulfilling and empowered life. If you're contemplating counseling, reach out to us, and let's embark on this journey of growth and transformation together. Are you ready to take the next steps on your journey in wellness. Check out our providers on the about us page or call 515.446.7284 to start the process of scheduling.

Navigating Change

Thu, 19 Oct 2023 19:45:14 GMT

Tips for Adjusting to the Fall Season

As the leaves change color and the days get shorter, many of us find ourselves grappling with the swift transition from the warm embrace of summer to the crisp coolness of fall. For those of us in Iowa, we know that winter often comes knocking on fall's heels. It's a stark reminder of the constant ebb and flow of change in our lives, which can sometimes be challenging to navigate. How we adapt to these seasonal shifts can mirror our broader approach to change.

Here are some casual yet effective tips to help you navigate the seasonal transition and embrace the changing landscape:

1. Light Up Your Day with a SAD Lamp

The acronym "SAD" stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder, a type of depression that occurs at a certain time of year, usually in the winter when sunlight exposure is limited. Using a SAD lamp can help mitigate the effects of reduced sunlight. These lamps mimic natural sunlight and have been shown to improve mood and energy levels by regulating the body's production of melatonin and serotonin.

2. Wake Up Gradually with Light-Alarmed Mornings

Our bodies are finely tuned to the natural rhythms of light and darkness. Consider using an alarm clock that simulates a gradual sunrise, working in harmony with your circadian rhythm. This gentle awakening can improve your mood and energy levels, making it easier to face the day ahead.

3. Slow Down and Embrace Self-Care

Fall often brings a sense of chaos and rush as we prepare for the winter months. Take a moment to slow down and be kind to yourself. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it's starting a new book, journaling, enjoying a soothing bath, or even taking a few moments to simply stare at the wall. Sometimes, the simplest moments of pause can make a significant difference.

4. Additional Tips for Adjusting to Shorter Days

Mindful Movement: Incorporate gentle exercises or mindfulness practices into your routine. This can help alleviate stress and promote a sense of well-being.
Connect with Others: Reach out to friends and family. Social connections are crucial for mental health, especially during seasons when isolation may feel more pronounced.
Mind Your Diet: Consider incorporating foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids and vitamin D, as they have been linked to mood regulation.

As we delve into the fall and winter months, remember that it's okay to seek support. Whether through counseling or exploring medication management options, professional help can provide valuable tools and strategies to cope with the challenges that seasonal changes may bring.

Embracing change is a journey, and your well-being is worth the investment. If you find yourself struggling, reach out for support – you don't have to navigate this journey alone our providers are here to assist you on your path.

Embracing Self-Knowledge: Becoming Your Own Life Expert

Tue, 13 Jun 2023 22:53:22 GMT

Tips from a Provider

Hello everyone! Carmen Tillman here, your friendly, neighborhood licensed mental health counselor and co-owner of Rooted Insights. Today, I want to share some insights on something I find myself often repeating: "You are the expert on your own life, not me."

As therapists, our main role is to guide you, not dictate your life decisions. We're more like facilitators to your self-understanding, helping you reveal the strengths and abilities you already possess. Part of the journey in therapy (and indeed in life) is realizing that you already have many of the answers you're looking for, but you might just need help in uncovering them.

Here are a few techniques to help you become your own life expert:

1. Journaling

This isn't your preteen "Dear Diary" scenario. I'm suggesting a bout of stream-of-consciousness writing. Set a timer for just five minutes each day, away from your bed, and let your thoughts pour onto the paper. It's a safe space for your emotions or thoughts to find a home. If you're stuck, simply start with your immediate thoughts, even if they're questioning the process. This isn’t an assignment or a task – its an outlet. It’s a safe space for any emotions or thoughts, however disjointed or surprising as they might be, to find a home. If you are stuck, simply write “I don’t know what to say,” or even “I think Carmen doesn't know what she's talking about." (I promise, I won't take it personally!) The goal is to let your mind flow freely, without judgement or restriction.

2. Self-questioning

We often seek advice from others, even though deep down, we already have an inkling of what we need to do or what we want. And the truth is, when you ask others for advice, you're most likely seeking validation, not real answers. So, why not turn the tables and ask yourself the questions you usually ask others?

For instance, if you're pondering about life decisions or relationships, instead of asking others what you should do, try asking yourself. Identify what you don’t want about any given circumstance and then flip it. For example, if you don't want a partner who yells, that suggests you desire a partner who listens and responds with compassion and understanding.

3. Explore Your World

Try out new activities and experiences that push you out of your comfort zone. Notice what excites you, what bores you, and what genuinely sparks joy. All these experiences add colors to the palette of your self-understanding. Even the experiences which might seem painful or unpleasant will be useful in providing information related to your personal preferences.

4. Meet New People

Every person you meet is like a mirror that reflects a different part of you. Expand your social circle and create more opportunities to reveal different facets of your personality. As a side note, there is research out there to support that having a broad social network of people from different backgrounds even if it is just someone you meet randomly throughout your day can reduce symptoms of depression (bonus right!?). So, say hello and start up a conversation with your grocery clerk, that person you meet on your daily walk, who knows what connections you might make!

5. Go Back to the Basics

When you feel stuck, take some time for a self-inventory. By identifying your values, goals, and challenges, you can better understand where you might be holding yourself back and what steps you can take to move forward. Perhaps journal (I know, its here again), on what needs to happen in order for you to be living your best life. Perhaps imagine a perfect day in your life, what are you doing? Who are you with? How do you feel? What needs to happen or change in your life to get you there?

In conclusion, self-discovery isn't about finding new elements of who you are, it involves uncovering those pieces that already exist and learning to trust them. The path to becoming an expert on your life is paved with introspection and honesty.

Remember, it's okay to seek assistance. Sometimes, having a counselor can help you navigate the labyrinth of self-reflection and personal growth. But also remember that, ultimately, you are the expert on your own life. Your thoughts, feelings, and experiences matter and can serve as your compass.

If you find yourself struggling with self-reflection or are seeking guidance through life's complex issues, feel free to reach out. At Rooted Insights, we’re here to provide that safe space and empathetic ear. Take the first step towards becoming your own life expert today.

Stay well and keep growing,

Carmen Tillman

What My Puppy Taught Me About Anxiety - That I Thought I Knew

Wed, 26 Jan 2022 02:10:48 GMT

In the spring of 2020, I welcomed my first puppy I would own as a grown up. I already had one dog that came to me as a rescue when she was about six months old. She was basically perfect outside of some separation anxiety. So, I figured this would be cake. I’m a dog person, “I” trained my dog as a kid growing up. Since it was just me it should be easier, no one else to ‘train’ (or to undermine the training). Did I ever have it wrong! Little did I know that when they talk about puppies biting and being needy, they aren’t kidding! My younger self is sending a silent shout out to my mom, who to my recollection never complained about our Labrador Retriever as a puppy outside of some chewing issues. She was also gracious enough to allow me to take the training credit for this well-behaved puppy. I mean, I had a Dog Fancy magazine subscription, I was basically running an AKC show dog training facility in my young mind.

Jump to 2020. I had plans to purchase my little ball of teeth prior to the pandemic (and they were perfect plans!). My niece and I made the drive to pick her up in early May. Little did I know, she would become my COVID puppy. Due to the pandemic and everything shutting down, gone were puppy training classes. I was now working from home, providing therapy via video chat. Meanwhile, I had an eight-week-old puppy, basically trying to murder me with her teeth! I was distraught to say the least. I’m so thankful for my clients who taught me how to be on the receiving end of patience and understanding.

“Everything I know, I learned from dogs” — Nora Roberts

Now to how she helped me learn even more about anxiety. But first, check out those eye boogers and shark teeth!

Photo of puppy in all her glory! Photo Credit BoundingHound.com. Used with permission

Cute right? Something that struck me was how triggering this little ball of cuteness was to my own anxiety, and the parallels I was able to notice between dog training and training our anxiety or fear. Here are some helpful lessons learned.

1. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT listen to your brain!

When your anxiety is screaming at you to “just let the f’in puppy out of the kennel already and she will shut up,” let it yell. Feel your heart racing, feel the tension in your shoulders, tears building up, anger, shame, whatever shows up. Notice it, allow it, experience it. Had I listened to my mind and let the puppy out of the kennel, more than likely I would have taught her that barking, crying, and screaming works. Not only that, I would be teaching my anxiety that if it yells, barks, and name calls me enough, I’ll do whatever it wants. So, I had to practice what I preach to my clients day in and day out. I had to learn to sit with my anxiety. I had to learn to sit with hers as well, when all I desperately wanted to do was save us both from the discomfort of my own mind and body.

2. Sometimes your anxiety is right, so do pay attention.

At one point I had to give in. She was biting the kennel and got stuck! It was scary for both of us. I let her out and contrary to what my brain told me to do, put her right back in for a short time, praying she would not go straight back to the biting the bars. I think that was the point I was ready to turn her over to my mom (I didn’t, and I promise, no puppies were harmed during these “teachable” moments).

3. Your anxiety might seek sources of validation to “keep you safe,” strengthening its case to do what it says (this is a trick, be warned!… enter “confirmation bias”).

Based on my experience, I learned, do not go to social media groups if you are looking for support when you are in the middle of an emotional crisis. Sure, people can be supportive. People can also be misunderstanding, misinformed, and critical. I already had my anxiety for that thank you. We want others to say we are doing the right thing, or yeah, just let the puppy out, it will be okay, kennel training is mean! Or yeah, you don’t need to go to that baby shower or birthday party. Your friend will understand, just tell them you're anxious. Anxiety WORKS! It gets the puppy out of the kennel and it keeps us safe at home, to never experience pain, disappointment, or rejection again. But at what cost? Well, for one we don’t get to leave our house because now we own a puppy who can’t be trusted alone in our home. If I had given in to the unpleasantness of my anxiety (and hers) I would be training my anxiety to get louder and more disruptive, potentially leading to panic attacks when I want to try anything new or scary. I also train the puppy, she is right to be scared, this kennel/life shit is dangerous! What kind of life is that anyways?

4. Sometimes it's okay to put ourselves in situations that we KNOW will cause anxiety. In fact, I recommend it (of course in a physically safe way).

There is so much information we get from throwing ourselves into opportunities where we know we will be anxious. It helps because then at least we aren’t surprised by the experience of anxiety. Sometimes I hear people say, “I have no idea why I’m so anxious.” Based on my experience (not research), I have learned there tends to always be an underlying reason that anxiety comes to this awkward human party we call life. It pretty much boils down to survival. As I sat by the kennel while my sweet shark baby cried, I learned to sit with what happened in my body as it sounded the alarm of impending doom. I had to have compassion for myself, that it is hard to watch some small creature you hope to really love someday cry. Because in the long run it will be best for her (and me). I had to learn that it is okay for her to be sad and afraid, just like I had to learn it is okay for me to be sad and afraid.

5. We all have work to do when it comes to responding to our feelings.

Overall the best thing about having that sweet shark puppy was I that I was able to see where I still had work to do in navigating my own emotions. Currently, I get to practice patience every morning while I have two dogs sniffing and pulling me in 20 directions (never forget, Dog Fancy trainer of the year). I get to notice when I am tired and not being present, evidenced by the shredded tissues and paper towels in my home, and brought to my attention by my non-shark dog who is maturely ‘tattling’ to make sure I am present with the situation and that it is clearly not her fault, she’s so darn proud of herself.

6. Most of all, you don’t have to like your anxiety or your puppy to learn to love it.

I guess now that I’m all grown up and have responsibility for this adorable shark puppy, I will also take responsibility for my nippy anxiety puppy too. Training isn’t always pretty (insert Rocky montage with Eye of the Tiger playing), but its most definitely rewarding. I can now sit in meditation, laughing to myself as both of my dogs bark at whatever perceived threat they are sensing outside. I have learned to ask for help when I need a breather. My ten-year-old AKC dog trainer self has been appropriately humbled. Oh yeah, the puppy still sometimes cries in her crate, usually when she has concerns that her older sister might be stealing her bone. Being able to totally relate as a younger sister myself, I obviously let her out….Oh….wait….

Awake

Wed, 31 Mar 2021 16:06:00 GMT

I’ve never been a morning person. It seemed safer somehow to stay under the covers, safe and warm. My eyes would always feel so heavy, and I just wanted to go back to my dream and not face reality, every day. I loved sleeping. I still love sleeping. Yet I have a different relationship with sleep than before. I use sleep to nourish my body and explore my dreams. I relish the feeling of waking up before my alarm and being ready to go, versus the previous version of Carmen who may or may not have been known to throw an alarm clock at her mother from time to time, or cry while answering the land line, “Why are you calling sooooo early?”, and literally I was CRYING, it broke my heart. I wanted to stay asleep, didn’t they know how safe and warm and stable sleep was?

Now, I feel awake, and I question everything. I feel like maybe I’m in a dream within a dream, like Inception . There is the part of me that questions if my nightly dreams are my actual reality, and this is just a dream within that reality, or is there a larger reality even further outside of me dreaming all of this? Now as I am awake, I never want to hide within my sleep again.

I love seeing things with new eyes. I love being awake, alert, and aware. Ready to meet people in their pain, hear their story, and grow from being in contact with them.

Being awake is incredibly freeing, yet at the same time, it is incredibly terrifying. Because when you wake up, you start doing big things. You start finding your voice. You realize you were taught you were small, when in fact you are infinite (and so are they by the way). You breathe into this, you feel your light growing brighter, you feel it in the fiber of your being. And you want more, you want to take leap after leap, even if you are bounding to your potential demise. Because you can see now. You can see that these leaps mean something. These leaps are living. Living is that feeling we get when we are soaring through the sky. From below, we might appear as though we are falling to our death. What they can’t see is we all are falling. Some of us just choose to fly instead.

We have to wake up to fly though, take a look around, and choose to open our arms to the ground beneath us, surrendering to what is, letting go. The alternative is falling, eyes closed, terrified, only seeing the dark, vigorously wishing away the impending earth. It’s the same ground beneath. And waking up is scary. Waking up means facing aspects of ourselves we don’t want to face. It means doing things we think may destroy us, so we can learn that they don’t. Sometimes I want to go back to sleep, sometimes I want to just go back to seeing what I wanted to see. The problem is, once you open your eyes, your soul will not allow you to go back. Are you ready to open your eyes?