Beyond Problem Resolution

Tips for Adjusting to the Fall Season

Tips from a Provider

In the spring of 2020, I welcomed my first puppy I would own as a grown up. I already had one dog that came to me as a rescue when she was about six months old. She was basically perfect outside of some separation anxiety. So, I figured this would be cake. I’m a dog person, “I” trained my dog as a kid growing up. Since it was just me it should be easier, no one else to ‘train’ (or to undermine the training). Did I ever have it wrong! Little did I know that when they talk about puppies biting and being needy, they aren’t kidding! My younger self is sending a silent shout out to my mom, who to my recollection never complained about our Labrador Retriever as a puppy outside of some chewing issues. She was also gracious enough to allow me to take the training credit for this well-behaved puppy. I mean, I had a Dog Fancy magazine subscription, I was basically running an AKC show dog training facility in my young mind. Jump to 2020. I had plans to purchase my little ball of teeth prior to the pandemic (and they were perfect plans!). My niece and I made the drive to pick her up in early May. Little did I know, she would become my COVID puppy. Due to the pandemic and everything shutting down, gone were puppy training classes. I was now working from home, providing therapy via video chat. Meanwhile, I had an eight-week-old puppy, basically trying to murder me with her teeth! I was distraught to say the least. I’m so thankful for my clients who taught me how to be on the receiving end of patience and understanding. “Everything I know, I learned from dogs” — Nora Roberts Now to how she helped me learn even more about anxiety. But first, check out those eye boogers and shark teeth! Photo of puppy in all her glory! Photo Credit BoundingHound.com. Used with permission Cute right? Something that struck me was how triggering this little ball of cuteness was to my own anxiety, and the parallels I was able to notice between dog training and training our anxiety or fear. Here are some helpful lessons learned. 1. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT listen to your brain! When your anxiety is screaming at you to “just let the f’in puppy out of the kennel already and she will shut up,” let it yell. Feel your heart racing, feel the tension in your shoulders, tears building up, anger, shame, whatever shows up. Notice it, allow it, experience it. Had I listened to my mind and let the puppy out of the kennel, more than likely I would have taught her that barking, crying, and screaming works. Not only that, I would be teaching my anxiety that if it yells, barks, and name calls me enough, I’ll do whatever it wants. So, I had to practice what I preach to my clients day in and day out. I had to learn to sit with my anxiety. I had to learn to sit with hers as well, when all I desperately wanted to do was save us both from the discomfort of my own mind and body. 2. Sometimes your anxiety is right, so do pay attention. At one point I had to give in. She was biting the kennel and got stuck! It was scary for both of us. I let her out and contrary to what my brain told me to do, put her right back in for a short time, praying she would not go straight back to the biting the bars. I think that was the point I was ready to turn her over to my mom (I didn’t, and I promise, no puppies were harmed during these “teachable” moments). 3. Your anxiety might seek sources of validation to “keep you safe,” strengthening its case to do what it says (this is a trick, be warned!… enter “confirmation bias”). Based on my experience, I learned, do not go to social media groups if you are looking for support when you are in the middle of an emotional crisis. Sure, people can be supportive. People can also be misunderstanding, misinformed, and critical. I already had my anxiety for that thank you. We want others to say we are doing the right thing, or yeah, just let the puppy out, it will be okay, kennel training is mean! Or yeah, you don’t need to go to that baby shower or birthday party. Your friend will understand, just tell them you're anxious. Anxiety WORKS! It gets the puppy out of the kennel and it keeps us safe at home, to never experience pain, disappointment, or rejection again. But at what cost? Well, for one we don’t get to leave our house because now we own a puppy who can’t be trusted alone in our home. If I had given in to the unpleasantness of my anxiety (and hers) I would be training my anxiety to get louder and more disruptive, potentially leading to panic attacks when I want to try anything new or scary. I also train the puppy, she is right to be scared, this kennel/life shit is dangerous! What kind of life is that anyways? 4. Sometimes it's okay to put ourselves in situations that we KNOW will cause anxiety. In fact, I recommend it (of course in a physically safe way). There is so much information we get from throwing ourselves into opportunities where we know we will be anxious. It helps because then at least we aren’t surprised by the experience of anxiety. Sometimes I hear people say, “I have no idea why I’m so anxious.” Based on my experience (not research), I have learned there tends to always be an underlying reason that anxiety comes to this awkward human party we call life. It pretty much boils down to survival. As I sat by the kennel while my sweet shark baby cried, I learned to sit with what happened in my body as it sounded the alarm of impending doom. I had to have compassion for myself, that it is hard to watch some small creature you hope to really love someday cry. Because in the long run it will be best for her (and me). I had to learn that it is okay for her to be sad and afraid, just like I had to learn it is okay for me to be sad and afraid. 5. We all have work to do when it comes to responding to our feelings. Overall the best thing about having that sweet shark puppy was I that I was able to see where I still had work to do in navigating my own emotions. Currently, I get to practice patience every morning while I have two dogs sniffing and pulling me in 20 directions (never forget, Dog Fancy trainer of the year). I get to notice when I am tired and not being present, evidenced by the shredded tissues and paper towels in my home, and brought to my attention by my non-shark dog who is maturely ‘tattling’ to make sure I am present with the situation and that it is clearly not her fault, she’s so darn proud of herself. 6. Most of all, you don’t have to like your anxiety or your puppy to learn to love it. I guess now that I’m all grown up and have responsibility for this adorable shark puppy, I will also take responsibility for my nippy anxiety puppy too. Training isn’t always pretty (insert Rocky montage with Eye of the Tiger playing), but its most definitely rewarding. I can now sit in meditation, laughing to myself as both of my dogs bark at whatever perceived threat they are sensing outside. I have learned to ask for help when I need a breather. My ten-year-old AKC dog trainer self has been appropriately humbled. Oh yeah, the puppy still sometimes cries in her crate, usually when she has concerns that her older sister might be stealing her bone. Being able to totally relate as a younger sister myself, I obviously let her out….Oh….wait….